Keep me in your prayers

[andrwfields]

Sam knows most of the story, but I'll give the major plot points:

My fiance and I are not doing well right now. We've grown apart over the past couple of months and we fight about trivial things.

We're taking a break from the relationship for two weeks to pray and get our thoughts in order. Afterwards, we're going to meet up and discuss where the future leads.

My health is not top-notch right now. I've been having a lot of doctor's visits lately and there's a possibility that there is a problem with my gallbladder.

[Matthew]

Yuck dude. Sorry to hear about your fiance.

I know when I have rough times in my marriage it's the lack of communicating. One party will get aggravated at the other for something that the other was clueless about. Sometimes it takes asking the question of why are you _______ (insert feeling)? Because women don't realize how clueless the male gender really is. I know that if its is something that I'm doing/not doing, I really need to be told. I'm never going to take a hint

[chad_ghost]

I'm sure that's not the response you wanted.

[andrwfields]

To my surprise, this break has been a good thing.

It's allowed me to see my faults that were causing her to get angry at me. It's caused me to reflect on what is important to me. It's given me the opportunity to go deeper in my faith and work more on my ministry than I have in the past few months.

It's given me the revelation that this relationship with her is still possible.

A lot of the arguments lately have included the words, "I want the person I fell in love with back." And it occurred to me that when we met and first started dating, neither of us were where we were supposed to be spiritually. Granted, her faith was in a better state than mine at the time, but we both made mistakes that we thought were okay when we first started out. We can't be the people we fell in love with, because we've changed for the better since then. We have both been trying to hold on to that old person.

I wanted the sexually adventurous girl who was shy, but didn't have eyes for anyone but me. She wanted the guy that spent his time working, going to class, and wanted nothing more than to romance her in the evenings.

We're not sexual anymore though, because it caused us to stumble on our path to Christ. We don't just have eyes for each other, because to both of us, Jesus comes first. We both are devoted to helping our church spread the Good News, and we spend a lot of time doing that.

We changed, for the better, but we didn't grow together in that.

My goal on Monday is to make her see that we need to fall in love all over again with the new version of "us." Pray for me that I can make this happen, and that God wills it.

[andrwfields]

As it turns out, God did not will it.

We decided to split up on Tuesday night. However, we both still go to the same church, and my son is involved from an angle, so we've decided to stay friends, and we're still working together on a lot of the projects that we've started together at the church.

I won't lie and say that Wednesday night service was not extremely difficult. It was tough to see her there with a smile on her face. I wasn't able to do that, myself. I broke down and then spaced out for the rest of the service.

I created a playlist on my phone full of music today with explicit lyrics to help me "get over" her. It's been very therapeutic. We did talk for a few minutes this evening though. It was mostly about stuff going on at church, our Facebook relationship status, getting the ring back, and how we would go about telling my son. It was a very civil and friendly conversation, and for the first time in a long time, we didn't blow up on each other and fight.

Still though, prayers are appreciated. I've decided to fast for the next 49 days and pray to God that he gives me direction in my life on where I need to go from here.

[Matthew]

Sorry to hear Andy. I can't pretend to know where you are and how your are feeling. We are hear for you (even if it's quiet here).

[andrwfields]

Coming up on two weeks since we split up, but it's really been close to a month and a half since we were together.

I want to hate her so badly, but God won't let me. I still find myself worried about her, and it hurts inside to know it's not my place to ask her if she's alright. People that know about us will ask me if I still love her, and before I can stop the words from coming out of my mouth, I say yes.

I want the pain to subside.

[chad_ghost]

Sorry for the late response. It is better that things ended now and not later.

I am glad that you are able to reflect and see your mistakes; that is not an easy thing to do. I will pray for you.