6 weeks to a better me

[Matthew]

Day 9 - Monday October 1

Physically
10 push-ups x 3
20 crunches x 2
10 sit-ups x 1

Spiritually
Read 3 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 21 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Luke 23-24 (finished the book)

I thought I read Luke 23 last night, but I was so sleepy I didn't remember any of it. I read a ton of Wild at Heart to catch up on the days I missed. I am now back on track with all my reading.

On a bad note, I gave into temptation today. I was tempted all day, and the strength the Lord has given me was awesome, however I continued to try to defend myself, instead of calling upon the Lord. I'm mad at myself because I was given a choice to choose sin or to choose God and I failed. Now that I have failed, I pray that I can be humble enough to come before the Lord and repent from my sins and to not revisit them again.

Thanks to everyone for their prayers and support.

[Matthew]

Day 10 - Tuesday October 2

Physically
10 push-ups x 3
20 crunches x 2
10 sit-ups x 1

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 1

I'm still not obeying God like I should, and I am definately not guarding my eyes as I should. I am setting myself up to fail by allowing myself to be tempted.

[andrwfields]

Glad to hear you're getting back on track Bro! Keep up the good work!

[Matthew]

Day 11 - Wednesday October 3

Physically
nothing (sadly still soar from monday and tuesday)

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 2

[Chuck Norris]

Keep pluggin man, the Lord is with you.

- Jonathan

[Matthew]

Day 12 - Thursday October 4

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
nothing

Not a good day. As I am seeking the Lord I am finding out a lot. Usually when it comes to my maleness and sexual impurity I think of the really bad stuff. Well God is revealing to me that all sexual impurity, like all sin, is equal. Even a long glance at an attractive woman can turn to lust. Unfortunately, I've been allowing way too much of that stuff in my life (God hates even a hint of it). I'm opening myself to temptation, which ultimately lead me to sin. I'm learning alot from God right now, but I am so mad at myself for slipping again.

[RevSears]

Glad to see your working out spiritualy and physically. Said a prayer for you. this looks a lot like my routine after the wife, so iknow this takes a lot of time. i love to work and read and try to a little of each day, perferably 20-30 of reading scpriture and landmines lately, and 45 to an hour of working out with free weights. I combined working out with watching the news, or tv, so that's how i can cram more in there. Prayer is another companant, and i can't count how much i've spent doing that lately, especialy for mom.

[Matthew]

Day 13 - Friday October 5

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
Read 12 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 12 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 3-4

I fell again today, but I feel that I am learning, that God is teaching me. Teaching me that my eyes are my downfall, that all my temptations come through my eyes and that my eyes can cause sin. Still learning and still moving forward.

Day 14 - Saturday October 6

Physically
nothing (unless playing with 3 boys ages 2,4, & 6 for several hours counts)

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 5

Thanks to everyone for their prayers and support. I roughly 4 weeks out, and I want more than anything to cleanse myself of my sexual impurities. God is giving me choices, options, showing me that I can either choose sin or Him, but not both. 4 weeks is a long time, but I must focuse on now, on today, one day at a time, one step at a time.

[Matthew]

Day 15 - Sunday October 7

Physically
Rotating tires on Leslie's car

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 6

A good day, the Lord's day. Church was amazing yesterday, and a great renewal from God. One day at a time

[andrwfields]

Matt, I'm glad to hear that you're trying so hard to work on all of this, but I think I might have found something in reading your posts.

It sounds like you have a Pink Elephant.

"What do you mean, good sir?" you may ask. My opinion, which is based solely off of what I've read, is that you are thinking so much and so hard about avoiding sexual impurity that your mind is drawn to is like a magnet.
It's like when somebody tells you not to think about Pink Elephants. What can you not help but thinking about? Pink Elephants. If you train your mind to un-make thinking about other women a priority, it might just do the trick. Be preoccupied in your mind.

I don't know if that will help you out or not. But it was worth a shot.

[Matthew]

Matt, I'm glad to hear that you're trying so hard to work on all of this, but I think I might have found something in reading your posts.

It sounds like you have a Pink Elephant.

"What do you mean, good sir?" you may ask. My opinion, which is based solely off of what I've read, is that you are thinking so much and so hard about avoiding sexual impurity that your mind is drawn to is like a magnet.
It's like when somebody tells you not to think about Pink Elephants. What can you not help but thinking about? Pink Elephants. If you train your mind to un-make thinking about other women a priority, it might just do the trick. Be preoccupied in your mind.

I don't know if that will help you out or not. But it was worth a shot.

I think that is what "Every Man's Battle" is actually helping me with. So much of it actually disobeying God and wanting to take control myself. Sexual impurity is essentially my outlet. It is the vice I struggle most. Usually once I fail once, it makes it that much easier to fail again very soon. I think at this point, more than anything, I have to guard my eyes. If I am not feeding the fire, it will have to go out. It is hard though to go to Walgreens and see all the people in there and not look at any of them. Like Job, I must make the covenent with my eyes, and that is where I am now.

[Matthew]

Day 16 - Monday October 8

Physically
10 push-ups x 3
30 crunches x 2
10 situps
various stretching

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 7

Today was hard, but better. I'm still being tempted, and at this point it's hard to watch TV. New shows for this season seem to be pushing attractive girls (Chuck, Bionic Woman, etc.), making it hard to watch TV without being bombarded with temptation. God is helphing me through, but I've really got to cling to him.

[Matthew]

Day 17 - Tuesday October 9

Physically
30 crunches x 2
10 situps
10 chair dips
various stretching

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 8

Still trying to focus in on what I'm doing this for. I think I've already started taking God out of the equation. Growing closer to God is why I started this 6 weeks, but now it's like I'm trying to do it for me. It's amazing how quietly pride can sneak into our lives and pry us away from God.

[Matthew]

Day 18 - Wednesday October 10

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 9

Yesterday, God really showed me that it's not about me, that it's about him. By reading these books and the Word, while also trying to beat my habitual sins, I will draw near to him. Knowing who I'm doing for really brought things into a new light. Now, I'm really going to have to make a concious effort to stay humble and realize it's only by the grace of God that I am where I am.

[Matthew]

Day 19 - Thursday October 11

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
Read Ecclesiastes 10


Day 20 - Friday October 12

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
Read 6 pages of Every Man's Battle
Read 6 pages of Wild at Heart
Read Ecclesiastes 11


Day 21 - Saturday October 13

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
nothing


Day 22 - Sunday October 14

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
nothing (did go to Church w/ Aunt and Uncle)


Day 22 - Monday October 15

Physically
nothing

Spiritually
nothing

Hopefully being home will help me get back on track. It's insane how fast Satan can slide in and convince us to take the wheel away from God.